Day 21 – Tentacles and
screams
And
so HE waits,
A
darkness so unfathomable,
that
darkness itself dies.
So I
woke up with bloody Ugg kicking me for my turn to take watch. I’m sure that she
kept watch before but it’s becoming harder to keep track of my own bloody mind
these days so maybe I’m wrong. Nothing happened so I went back to sleep, but
must have only had about six hours shut eye when I was awoken by a ruckus near my person. It seemed
Sameson and Cedric (not sure if I like this nut job of a cleric yet) had taken
a crystal ball off Ugg but woke him up in the process. Now they were scraping
over it like it was the last beer at Bogswatch. During the fight Sameson hurled
the thing at me and it hit me right in the tit and then went rolling off down a
corridor. Enraged by this indecency I took up my warhammer and decided to put
an end to this typically male tomfoolery.
I
got to it first and called upon the wrath of my goddess to destroy this symbol
of masculinity and went to bring down my warhammer on the damn thing.
Unfortunately I missed and brought my hammer down on my bloody foot instead and
I went down like a sack of spuds. Ugg raced to retrieve the ball but Cedric and
Sameson were on him fists swinging and knocked him flat out before he could!
Now it turns out Ugg had found this cursed crystal ball whilst we were stoned
(in the statue sense) and so it had exerted some sort of dark control over him.
We all agreed that it must be destroyed and shattered the thing before he came
around.
So
now I asked my comrades why the bloody hell we weren’t going after poor Fillian
trapped in the water temple. But they insisted on continuing to explore this
area instead. Pfft they bloody listen to her but not me! More the fool them. So
we carried on exploring and came across some sort of grisly trophy room! The
walls and tables in here were covered with the symbols of just about every good
or neutral deity known to the living. To my utter bloody disgust there was even
a Joramy symbol here. So outraged were we at this ostentatious show of power by
the temple of elemental evil that we failed to notice a monstrous creature
which dropped down from the ceiling and started attacking us. A huge aberration
known as a roper that was basically a bloomin big eye, mouth and a mass of
tentacles.
The
thing wrapped one of the tentacles around me before I could do so much as
bloody raise my warhammer. I shook off the paralyzing poison it secreted but it
still pulled me towards its gaping maw, along with the rest of my comrades.
When it drew me close enough and hurled Joramy’s holy flames at it, but barely
hurt the thing and it took a big bite out of me. It was all I could do not to
be pulled whole into its fanged mouth. Luckily Ugg got handy with that new
sword of his and hacked the thing up pretty good. When I had presence of mind
enough I asked Joramy to give me strength and bashed it pretty hard myself. Soon the thing fell but not without taking
some bloody nasty bites out of a few of us. Hacking the roper up revealed some
gems and other goodies from the wretched thing’s victims.
Wiping
Roper intestines off our rewards we marched on along another corridor till we
came across what could only be described as a kind of gory laboratory covered
in bizarre paraphernalia. Books detailed grisly procedures lay on tables and
underneath one table was some kind of bloody unfinished monster. The horrifying
creation seemed to be made up of undesirable parts of other creatures, for
Joramy knows what purpose. We uncharacteristically left well alone and
retreated from the nightmarish room to…somewhere even bloody worse.
We
found a large stone tomb with a mummified corpse lying openly on display. As we
burst into the tomb an apparition manifested in front of us. It looked like a
bloody elf woman floating about playing creepy music from her ethereal flute.
We felt some vile undead magic wash over us, but I ain’t easily dominated by
such things and shook it off. Whilst the men stood there gawking as their life
essence was drained from them, I hurled my goddess’s divine wrath down on the
elf spirit…but it barely scratched the, clearly, ancient spectre. To my
surprise Sameson also managed to break free from its spell and raised his
symbol of Obad Hai in an effort to turn it.
But she was too strong and shrugged it off, obviously resilient to such
things within her burial place.
I
realized only fire could cleanse such an unholy taint upon the world and I filled
the chamber with a wall of fire. At this point the others broke free and
attacked the elf spirit so she was trapped within the flames. Although they too
were burnt from the flames the spectre suffered more and my comrades, despite
their many flaws, understand the need for self-sacrifice to reach their goals.
The elf ghost perished within the flames of the shrew and I cast down the wall
of fire, leaving us to pillage what was not destroyed by the flames.
From the tomb we continued our
exploration and proceeded down a corridor into a nearby chamber. Inside waited a troll feeding a bizarre
bell-like plant monster that, after it noticed us, launched itself in our
direction. Of course nothing bloody surprises me about this place anymore and I
drew my mighty warhammer and entered the room ready to smash this unexpected
foe to pieces. Then my usually trustworthy warhammer changed into a snake in my
bloody hands. What sneaky elf magic is this, I thought and threw the snake to
the floor and set about chopping its bloody head off with my axe.
To my left I heard Cedric screaming something
about spiders and sure enough a swarm of the things began pouring over me.
Biting and trying to climb into every bloody orifice. I don’t remember a lot
during that time but suddenly the horrid things vanished and that plant thing
was bearing down on me. That bloody plant had pumped out some kind of
hallucinogenic powder so it could attack us in our confusion. So shaking off
the effects I saw Ugg and Joe fighting the troll and joined Cedric in getting
rid of the phallic shaped plant before it could spray us again (how
disgusting).
To my utter dismay things got
worse when Cedric reached into his pouch and pulled out an orb shaped like a
skull to help him in battle. From the moment I first laid eyes on the thing I
knew it to be the solution to my current dilemma. Where the bloody hell had the Cuthbertite got
that. Although right now it turned out to make things bloody worse because it
started her shouting in my head and then SHE was in control again for a while.
The troll and plant immediately turned their attention to Cedric. The key, I
realized. I knew it was the key. And so did she because she immediately started
scheming to get it.
It’s the most frustrating thing
having someone else drive your body. Especially when she’s a bloody insane man
worshipping psychopath plotting the downfall of not just your companions…but
the whole of bloody existence. Anyway
Cedric used the skull key to put some kind of hex on the plant and we killed it
about the same time Ugg squashed the troll.
Now the bitch realized she
might have made a mistake in surfacing because Ugg’s sword started glowing when
it detected her evil presence. Rather rashly she tried to do her usual trick of
hiding her aura with a spell but Cedric heard her cast it and correctly
identified what she was doing. He confronted her and I wondered how this would
play out. Would my companions have the balls to attack me…her…whatever. Would
they finally learn the truth!
It seemed they might when
Cedric used his powers to put her in a zone of truth. But they bloody bottled
it and asked the wrong questions which the bitch skilfully sidestepped. They
asked her why she cast the spell and she simply told them the truth that she
wanted to hide her alignment from the clerics in the temple. These bloody men
have their brains in the wrong places because they shrugged it off and went on
our way. Insanity has a way with words!
Nearby we found some orcs,
gnolls and other evil creatures chained up and imprisoned. Clearly they had
done summit to piss off the temple. So my companions for all their talk about
being high and mighty on the morality scale slaughtered the defenceless
creatures. Apparently their evil is genetic and must be cleansed from the earth.
She agreed with the action and found amusement in pretending not to. Amongst
the prisoners we also found a human farmer that Ugg agreed to lead back to
Hommlet and so he separated from us for the time being.
So what next? Joe, Cedric and
Sameson finally remembered poor Fillian stuck in the water temple and decided
to rest before trying to free him. I knew I must win our nightly battle tonight
else who knows what evil Viller might perpetrate to get our hands on the key.
So we went to King Scorpp’s old bedchamber and as she lay down to sleep our
battle began…
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